0

Why is parenting so hard. Trying to find that right balance.
I have accepted a new Job which is only temporary. But it means 3 days a week I won’t be picking Heidi up from school. And then there’s having to share her alternate weekends with her father. I feel like I should be around more. But I want and need to work and earn some money and gain experience in the job I want.
I wonder if she thinks this. If she will notice those 2 hours after school that I’m not there. And resent me. Or if I’m just a massive worrier over silly things.

I think it’s because I go to Venice for my honeymoon. Get back on the Saturday and start this job on the Monday. So she will have gone 5 nights without me and then it’s straight into this new routine.

Tell me I’m being silly.

1

I haven’t updated this in forever.
So yeah, sorry about that.

And in all honesty I’m only updating now because I need to offload.

I don’t feel good enough for anything or anyone. I feel like I’m a failure for my daughter. Her father is a prick and I should be able to take his shit by now but I can’t.
I get married in 6 days and I feel hideous and horrendous.
But mainly, I feel like shit.

And that’s it.

0

loveitwillnot-betray: Hey. I was just looking through the tags of SMA and saw you posted about your daughter. I sound like such a stalker ohmygosh. But yeah, I have SMA too! I saw you made a FB page? I was just wondering what it was so I could join or something. (:

Hey. Oh god I never check this recently. Please don’t think I’ve been ignorant and ignored your message. My Facebook page is called SMA UK but of course anyone can join :) So yeah, I’m Katie and my daughter is Heidi. She has type 3 SMA. How are you? Hope you’re well. Thanks for messaging. It’s nice to speak to people with SMA or with kids etc with SMA. X

1

I’m not still in the bath btw.

I only ever update this when I need to moan and offload.

Heidi had an appointment on Saturday and they x-rayed her back. Her spine is starting to really curve. I was dreading this happening. I can’t bare the thought of her having spinal surgery and a rod in her back. It’s just one thing after another for her and it’s not fair. I wish I could take this for her, and let her live a healthy simple life instead. 

I just feel sad. She suffers with pain all the time, she can’t do normal things like soft play without it being a massive struggle. She has two soft play parties this week, and she can’t wait. I dread them. It sounds awful. But kids running around, knocking her over, she can’t keep up, or climb on things, I have to carry her up everything and my back is already done in from having to put her in and out the car. It always ends in a tantrum. We aren’t carrying on with her swimming lessons cause she’s always too tired to go, and her little legs just can’t hack it. She starts horseriding in a few weeks with a charity called riding for the disabled. I hope she can stick this out as it’ll be good for her back and posture, and they have proper disabled riding seats. 

I’m so stressed about it all at the moment, as well as buying the house. (Which is finally almost complete yay). Constant migraines, my period has stopped. ERGH. Just needed to moan. 

I’m done. Be grateful for your healthy child and NEVER take the simple things like watching them run for granted. It kills me everyday seeing all her friends run away from her on the playground, and her standing alone because she knows she hasn’t got a chance of catching up. 

0

Brace yourselves for a crazy update. I’m in the bath right now. There you go.

No really I do have something worthwhile to post. When I’m out the bath and have a coffee in my hand.

2

I’m too old to be fancying Harry styles and Justin bieber.

18728

14756781

(Source: CNN, via temporaryurlchannnggeee-deactiv)

4

So tonight, the first night of my hen do, the girls are taking me somewhere and have bought an outfit I have to wear.
I am genuinely scared.

1

URGH, YES PLEASE JONNI PEACOCK, YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL MAN.